He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize