Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize