Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This is the high leading the old right now
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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