god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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