I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize