Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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