dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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