my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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