Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
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OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
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He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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