I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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