Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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