i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am naked and annoyed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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