Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize