i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize