Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
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I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
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drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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