Your mouth is God's brothel.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize