I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize