u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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