as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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