I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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