I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize