This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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