my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize