I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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