Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
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Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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