well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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