this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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