You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize