I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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