if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
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Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just want to make out with him forever
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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