I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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