Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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