If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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