I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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