I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize