My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize