I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
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You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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