did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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