I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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