It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
