My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
