I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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