just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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