I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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