I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just google imaged poop.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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