omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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