There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize