Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize