Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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