I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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