I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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