Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
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Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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